Settling

Things seem to have settled a bit. A friend of mine reminded me that emotional purging is a bit like other types of purging--you need to get it out, and you feel better once you do, but the process is pretty icky. Good analogy. :)

I'm on my bike again today, which is good. Exercise always helps me feel better.

I got to see several of my friends yesterday, including some of the younger ones. Playing with them was good for my heart.

I get some unexpected time off tomorrow, as the volunteer assistance I had planned to give turns out not to be needed. I hope to be able to use the time well.

Why?

Why am I a mess right now? Why is getting help making things worse instead of helping? It's rather confusing. Some of my emotional mess got sorted out this morning. That was good. Unfortunately, most of what's going on is more amorphous and less easy to solve.

On the positive side, I found an Iowa state quarter in my change from Farmer's Market. I've been looking for one out here on the west coast for a while now, so I was pretty excited to finally find on. :)

Another good thing: Meet the Doulas Night on Sunday was huge--hopefully I'll get some calls or e-mail. I've had what felt like really good nights twice now, but no calls . . . If they would just call . . . Well, this is why I took the nanny job.

The rest of this week looks equally hectic. I might get on-line to most more, and then again, I might not. We shall see . . .

Funk

I'm in a funk. I'm full of contradictions, as this avatar shows fairly well . . . I did another one, a fairy in fairyland, and that's where I'd like to be, but I'm not there right now. My life is in shreds and I'm having trouble making decisions and coping and I'd really like to mope and complain, but I think that wouldn't be fair. I don't have it that bad.

Part of this funk is related to therapy, and part of it is related to Ender's Game, which I found really disturbing. Using a little kid to wipe out another species just because the human race has convinced itself that the other species is out to get them, despite having no recent evidence of animosity from the other species. Well, it just bothered me. And they didn't even tell the kid that it was for real until he was done--he thought it was all a game--ugh. Not emotionally helpful at the moment . . .

Made a hard decision to take care of self first and play later. Am not entirely happy, but results will probably be better, overall.

Need to make a decision about which Erin Mckeown concert to attend. SF concert is more appealing in all areas except travel. Local concert is, well, local . . . Need to make decision today and don't feel up to it. Wish external circumstances would swoop in to assist . . .

Enough grumpiness. The !&#% has hit the fan and it's coming back at me. So I'm sending it out to dissipate. Maybe not such a good strategy from the rest of the world's point of view, but I can't hold it all anymore.

Synchronicity

I just logged into my e-mail to write to a friend, and found a message from her waiting for me. Pretty cool!

Everything else is about the same. Progress in lots of areas. Mostly joyful.

Peace.

Life is Good

And this is a surprise, because I ought to be grumpy and moody. Hooray for Flower Essences. They are already making such a big difference in less than a week. For example: had a deep conversation on a potentially emotionally intense topic last night with no tears or anger. Wow! this is powerful stuff. Pretty cool.

Also, saw a fun movie last night: The Forbidden Kingdom. It had two famous martial arts stars in it, who have totally different styles--or so I'm told. I'm also told that they may never have starred together before. But I thought the blending of styles made for more depth and enjoyability.

Now my computer time is running out. More later. :)

Bathing

O.k., I'll admit it, I've gotten into taking baths. I like them, but I get board and want to get out (or the water's too hot and I want to get out) fairly quickly. So last night, I put the new flower essences that I got on Wed. in my bath, and, Wow! I'm sure part of it was the good audio book and the perfect water temperature, but my mind and body were able to relax in a totally different way, and I attribute that to the flower essences. I swear, I was in the tub for at least a full half hour.

So that's my excitement. I'm still trying to be productive and get stuff checked off my "to do" list, and, slowly but surely, I'm making headway. Like travel plans that were put in place today, and the confirmation of a new copy of a certificate I need for a certification to be put in the mail yesterday. Like googling directions to the location of a class and calling a bank about an account issue. Stuff like that.

Not much other news. I'm going to be posting a rant about the Orphan Works bill soon--look for it. :)

Cycling by Choice

Car repair accomplished with hefty price tag. But the price of repairs is still less per year than payments on a new car would be, so it's o.k.

Expected package arrived--am very excited to have new tools for emotional stability. :) Began reading the included information and immediately found more I want to order. Also led to the discovery of a very interesting flower: clitoria. And you can guess why . . .

Didn't hear from my friend until late in the day, but had nice conversations with M. and parents.

Today I am glad of a Northwest facing apartment--it stayed cool all morning, despite the growing heat. I didn't even know until I stepped out at 2 that the weather was so warm.

I cycled to the library in Downtown Campbell. Boy am I out of shape! But I took the rout with the least stoplights, so that made life easier. :) Now I have letters to mail and a deposit for the bank. Life is good.