Changes

Am preparing to make some big changes in my life this spring. Hopefully all will be positive, but am anticipating some stress related to the process of change, even if the eventual outcome is good. Am feeling really good about the projected future. But the current process requires a lot of thought and conversations about logistics.

Also, had a fabulous Ortho-Bionomy session. Really transformational and very enjoyable. :)

Oh and now I'm working on that infamous April 15th Deadline. Wish me luck!

Kick in the Butt

How many times to I need to get kicked in the butt before I figure out that quitting, even with all the financial challenges it entails, might actually be better for me than staying in this job. Then again, maybe I'm here for a reason. I am having a lot of opportunities to release old karma. But just how much is too much? What is worth enduring for spiritual growth? When is getting out of a bad situation running away, and when is it self preservation? And while I'm here, how do I figure out what is my baggage and what is theirs, when it all seems so jumbled together? What do I carry with me, and what do I leave behind?

For now, I just try to forgive and let go while I'm at work, then deal with all the messy emotions once I get home. Singing meditations help. So do appropriate Flower Essences. I know I'm learning lessons, but are the lessons worth the price?

Cellular Jungle

Braved the jungle of cell phone companies and regulations and separate departments over the weekend in an attempt to switch from a contracted account to a prepaid account. It turns out that even though my 2 year contract expired several months ago, I still have to wait until my monthly contract expires in two weeks. Ugh. But the first person I talked to neglected to mention that, so my service got suspended, but I couldn't start new service for two weeks. How annoying! So then I had to spend an hour trying to convince SOMEONE to re-connect my phone SOMEHOW so if something terrible happens in the next two weeks I'll still have cell phone service. Amazing how addicted I've become to knowing that little device is available in case of an emergency. What did we do before mobile phones were invented? Oh yeah, people actually stopped and helped each other! That's right! But we're too independent now to be interdependent any more. Grr.

But other than that I had a good weekend. :) And I did learn something from this whole fiasco.

Found Something

Nil

I've been trying for 2 hrs to think of something worth posting. Some up-date worth giving the world. And still nothing comes to me. Nada. Zip. This baby is going to wake up soon, and then I'll have missed my chance. So I'll post a nothing post, instead.

Life Lessons

One of my big life lessons this time around seems to have to do with setting boundaries. I keep ending up in jobs where the people I work for have a hard time "letting" me set my own boundaries. This is not a good situation, because I can get so strongly defensive of my boundaries if I am repeatedly pushed.

This morning I spent an hour on the phone with my mom, figuring out how to set an important boundary without resorting to anger and threats and name-calling. It hasn't come up so far today, but I'm able to cope with that, because I know that I am prepared to respond if it dose get mentioned. My mom even helped me come up with a possible alternate solution to offer! :)

Snorring Old Men and Falling Pets

So we are finally getting some much needed rain. It feels more like a proper winter--we've been having a drought the past couple of years with not nearly enough rainfall. This winter is feeling more like the winters I remember from my first couple of years out here--lots of intermittent rain with some sunny days in between. I'm not sure what's really "normal" for this climate, given El Nino, and Global Warming and all that, but rain is good. :)

Wet weather did somewhat dampen my weekend--the Farmer's Market was rather soggy--but I still had a lovely V-day with my BF. Also spent time planning a church service for next month and doing projects around the house.

Fab Friends and Food

Had a fabulous day yesterday with S. Although we've tried to keep in touch since she's been living abroad, it's been hard and we had a lot of catching up to do. It was great to be together and just talk and talk and talk! :-)

California seems to be full of rainbows. I know Hawaii is the Rainbow state, but I think I've seen more rainbows this winter, than I saw in all my years growing up in the Midwest. Seeing another one today reminded me of a Friday the 13th rainbow I saw several years ago. That was the first rainbow I can remember seeing. Ever.

Oh, one more thing, I'm learning to make yogurt at home. My latest batch gelled and tastes like yogurt, but it's pretty grainy. I still have to perfect my technique, but I'm getting there . . . I'm getting there!

Better

Don't know what happened, but things got better today. I woke up in a good mood. Yay! And I've stayed in a good mood. And it doesn't feel forced. This is good. Maybe it has to do with looking forward to seeing a friend I haven't seen since last year about this time. Hmm . . . Maybe it has to do with sticking up for myself. Maybe . . .

Help! I'm Melting!

All this reading about crying seems to be stirring up a lot of emotional junk. I keep telling myself that what I'm feeling now is the result of the junk coming loose and the wounds finally healing, but I keep having meltdowns over little things and it's getting embarrassing and annoying. Even I don't really want to live with myself right now. Although I know it will be better when all this stuff is out, I just wish I didn't have to go through the ick of getting it out. Oh well, I'll manage somehow.

More Crying

I had a good cry last night and another one this morning and I feel so much better. I guess that proves the theory that crying can be a stress release mechanism. My favorite quote so far from the book I'm reading is, "Crying is not the hurt, it is the process of becoming unhurt." It explains so well why I feel so much better after a good cry. :)

Crying

Reading a really interesting book about the benefits of crying, specifically in children. It's called Tears and Tantrums and it's by Aletha J. Solter, Ph.D. I actually really wanted to read her other parenting books, but the local libraries only had this one. So I'm exploring her web site here. It's helping me understand myself and also the baby I look after. I suddenly feel a lot more calm and accepting of him when he cries, and a lot less nervous about making him stop crying. This is good. I'm a better caregiver when I'm calm.

Making a Differnce

So yesterday, on my way home from work, I turned on NPR and heard the tail end of a discussion of the testing for lead in toys issue. It sounds like maybe my blog post and e-mails to representative and senators had an effect! The latest news is that mandatory testing will be delayed one year. You still can't sell toys with too much lead, but testing isn't mandatory, so safe, homemade toys won't be pushed off the market quite yet. And that give people time to get some changes put into effect to help make these laws less detrimental for individual craftspeople and small businesses. Yay!

(That's me on the left doing my "Happy Dance.")