The Curse of the Horrific Birth Story

As I was waiting for the library to open just now, I got to listen to several women compeating with each other for who had the most horrible birth story. It started because someone had a tiny, obviously new baby. Someone else was detailing the horrific birth of her 8lb 9oz baby, and how he had to be born by C-section due to a "fat" head and cord compression. I have to wonder how much of this was iatrogenic--cord prolaps is often due to AROM, the pelvic outlet is smallest in the lithotomy position prefered by docs, epidurals prevent the movement mothers and babies need to do togther in the dance of birth. And then the complaints about the length of labor started--7 hours, 9 hours--I'm sorry, but that doesn't sound long to me . . .

If these are the stories we tell each other, is it any surprise that most women in the US fear birth? Why aren't there more of the positive, empowering stories circultating? I know it's partly because not many women have those experiences, but I also think that there is a kind of one-upmanship in telling horrific birth stories, and the women who have good experiences get discounted. Eventually, even the women who want to share their positive stories can get shut down by the ones who blow them off, and so we only share our positive stories with folks who are supportive. But then what we know, that birth can be beautiful, empowering, even pleasurable, doen't get heard by the people who need to hear our voices. Like when the radio station talked about home birth, but only played a call from someone who had a home birth that included an emergency. And when I heard those women talking today, I didn't break in with other, positive stories of births I've attended--partly because I am bound by professional confidentiality, but partly because I knew that they wouldn't welcome the truth. I was afraid of being dismissed or attacked for telling the truth. I'm not Carla Hartley, but I admire her so much for her efforts to promote birth trust by telling the truth.

Fantastic Escape

I seem to be avoiding life at the moment, escaping into fantasy novels. The current one, which I mentioned yesterday, is Ender's Shadow. I let it keep me up late last night, which prevented me from going to the Farmer's Market this morning, but kept me a bit more easy going with the kids I had to babysit. I think it was worth the trade off--I can probably find another Framer's Market later in the week to get what I need . . .

Work Exhaustion

Glad as I am to be working again, it is wearing on me. I can't tell whether the exhaustion is due more to the long, late (for me) hours, or dealing with the emotional stresses in the family I'm working for. At any rate, I'm glad to have discovered the joys of driving 55. It keeps my commute sane and, amazingly, relaxing! And I have some good audio books to keep me company in the evenings when I'm totally burnt out.

Finished Red Mars yesterday--an interesting, but somewhat slow story about science and politics. Started on Ender's Shadow--an adventure story taking place at the same time as Ender's Game, but from the perspective of a different child. It promises to be a fast paced adventure, but also to make me think, which is good.

Saw Prince Caspian this morning. It's the one book in the Narnia series which I couldn't remember anything about--turns out it was one long battle. No wonder I forgot it--there was no real plot, just, "I'm going to die! Oh good, I have help. Oh no! We're all going to die! Never mind, here comes the real help. Our enemies will have to surrender." That was it, plus a bit of The Lord of the Rings-type cinematic effects.

Lego Star Wars

Have spent the weekend hanging out with a friend's kids while she works. Am getting a good deal of internet time, and have done some interesting research, followed up on several e-mails, etc.

One of the kids found some funny Lego Star Wars videos on You Tube. Quite amusing and entertaining.

Am worried about the current ACOG and AMA backlash against home birth, in response to Ricky Lake's movie, The Business of Being Born. See Hathor for related comics, blog posts, etc.

New Favorite Song

The music video is a bid odd--not what I would have expected, but then I'm not a music video expert--but here it is on You Tube. Jason Mraz--I'm Yours And here's the live version.

From Hell to Highway

The past few weeks have been an emotional hell, but I've slowly gotten my perspective back. I'm also back to working (and commuting) regularly. One of the comic artists whose work I follow posted a comic on the Drive 55 campaign, and I've been trying it out. It forces me to slow down mentally as well as physically, and my commute feels much less hectic when I drive slower than the traffic flow, instead of trying to keep up. It isn't always practical, time-wise, but I do it when I can.

Going Here

Well, not exactly, but they didn't have a Yosemite background. Still coping. Have gotten some help, but big issues don't resolve instantly. Still more questions and concerns than answers.

Wish I was Here

Am coping. That's all. A lake with a tire swing would be really nice. Puzzle Therapy is a good second-best. Conversations with mom and a friend helped, too. Friend offered some healing help--which I was glad to accept. Work tomorrow. Bills today. That seems backward, but, oh well.

And Unpacking

We're back. It was a long week. I really enjoyed it--especially the "dime tours," but I am in great need of rejuvenation. We were pretty much always doing something--going to the coast, exploring M.'s home area, or visiting friends and family members. It was a lot to take in.

Going to church this morning filled some of my need for rejuvenation and helped me get some perspective back. Usually, I need to be alone to recharge, but today I needed to be with my community. I feel more at home with the members of my church than I do in most communities. I feel like everything is emotionally "up" right now, and even though I know it's an opportunity to grow and learn and become a better person, it's not exactly easy. So having the support of my community today really helped. I feel like I'm coming back to my center. Last week I did a lot of coping, and now that I'm home, maybe I can process some of the issues that came up.