Yogurt Rice

Have been having fun in the kitchen--about the only place I've been having fun lately. I'm just a grouch. But I made this really yummy yogurt rice with cucumbers and tomatoes today. Mmmm! :) Now on to craziness of to volunteer church activities this evening, the end result of which is having to meditate and eat 2-3 hours earlier than I am used to. This could be difficult. I might end up even grouchier then usual due to hunger and/or tiredness. Ugh. At least I have more yummy yogurt rice for dinner! Yay!

Energy Crisis

I"m having a personal energy crisis. Maybe I've been doing too much or staying up too late, but I am tired and unmotivated when I'm at home. Maybe it's the heat, too.

Nevertheless, I was productive this weekend. I got to meet on of my fiance's collage friends on Friday. My fiance and I met with our church's new minister about the wedding on Sat. morning and I had a babysitting job in the evening. And today I've been running errands and doing research and updating my calendar. Good thing, too, because I found a scheduling conflict I need to correct.

I am also starting to have more success in selling off my birth books. Yay!

So all in all, things aren't that bad.

Being at Home

Am so happy just being at home these days. I have projects, and It's not like I don't have things to do, but I am really focusing on myself and my personal life and it feels so good.

Like yesterday--I got the house tidy and vacuumed. I'd forgotten how good it feels to live in an orderly space. Really need to get some of the clutter out, instead of just relocating, but organizing is a good start.

Did more corn work at the farm this morning, and came home with okra, kale, tomatoes, potatos, summer squash bounty.

Happy and hungry--better go eat!

Cranky Farmer

I've been cranky for a couple of days, and getting out to the Farm to day only helped temporarily. I really ought to get that corn in my car home and into the fridge so it doesn't starch up too much.

Peace

New Flower Essences equal better sleep, more relaxed attitude, and still being able to stick up for myself. This is good. :)

Relief

After weeks of dealing with the emotional aftermath of what should have been a relatively minor incident, I have finally found relief. I checked out a book from the library, and it had the specific suggestions I needed to change my attitude and expectations, and this change is what has brought much needed relief. I didn't realize how much energy I was wasting on trying to ignore this issue and my worries about how to solve as yet unknown future potential problems. Gives new meaning to the term "energy drain."

The Good News . . . And More Good News

So the good news is, some things are going much, much better. I have been a total wreck all week, mostly due to denial of certain realities. Acknowledging them seems to have made a huge difference. It's almost funny, because I can get so high and mighty when I think someone else is denying something they're feeling, but then I go into denial myself, and don't even see it. Of course, denial is one of the stages of what I'm really going through, so this might all be legit, but it's still slightly amusing. In hindsight.

And what I thought was bad news, is actually good news, too. I thought I might have made a mistake on an on-line order, but I didn't. All is good. At least for the moment. Except that I really need to get home, because I have somewhere to be in a few hours. Somewhere good. :)

Coming Out

I've been at home (mostly) for 3 or 4 days now, doing a lot of very important, but also very hard, emotional work. Now I've reached a point where that work can slow down and I can get back to doing things in the big world. I hope I haven't over done it with all the errands I ran today. I just need to do one more thing and then I can go back to my cave.

Workmen will be reappearing at my apartment on Monday. I think I need to move some furniture. Ugh. And other things. I'm supposed to get new paint in a couple of rooms, a new heater, and a new counter. Having those things will be cool. Getting them won't. But at least there won't be too many more water outages. :)

Grateful

So grateful to my friends for the talks we had yesterday. It was so good to have people to connect with. And I really appreciated the opportunity to listen. It took me out of myself and gave me a chance to focus on someone else. But it was also nourishing because there was an even flow of give and take. I'm starting to get back into perspective, back into balance. I'm still waiting for a particular shift, but things aren't quite so overwhelming today.

Karmic Relief

Last night, in the midst of trying to deal with all my challenges, I remembered that I am in a planetary influence in my life right now which, among other things, brings delays. So is it any wonder that I'm spending a lot of my time waiting these days? Remembering this helped me to stop blaming the individuals who appeared to be responsible for the delays and give the responsibility back to the planets, since it's their job of sending me my Karma and make sure I learn the relevant lessons. Thinking of it that way helped me let go of being able to create any particular outcome through my actions. Instead, I can relax into the present and just let the future unfold without worrying about it.

Of course, all day yesterday I was doing things to try to help myself feel better. I had an Option session. I worked intensively with my Flower Essences--carrying Emergency Care and creating a mix for opening my heart and being more present and loving and accepting of circumstances in my life. Doing these things probably laid the foundation to help me remember about the Karmic influence of the planets.

This morning I remembered something else that is always very comforting for me: One idea about Karma is that we each have mountains of Karma in heaven from all our many incarnations, but each time we are born on Earth we pack a suitcase of Karma to deal with in that life. Now that could sound discouraging, except that, if we get through all the Karma in the suitcase, then all the mountains in Heaven are forgiven and we can finally be in union with God. To me, that demonstrates how much God loves us and how great God's forgiveness is, if all we have to do to reunite with God is get through one small suitcase of Karma. :)

Bad Day

Right now, it seems as if the universe is conspiring against me again. A good deal of pressure let up last week, but now other things that were in the background have come to the fore, and I'm in the hot seat again, at least emotionally. Hopefully, it will all be sorted out soon, but unfortunately it's all stuff I have no control over, and it's the waiting, more than anything, that's getting to me. So just don't expect me to be chipper for a few days.

Coming up for Air

Today is much better. I've been under a cloud of worry about certain events that finally began to take place in the past few days. Just having things underway helps a lot. The invasion of the plumbers has started and *hopefully* will not be as horrid as expected. Personal life is starting to have a bit more promise.

Small Business Class is progressing. Decided to stop waiting for answers that were not forthcoming. Am a bit disappointed in the gap between advertised "interactivity" of on-line class and lack of teacher help when I posted my question in the appropriate place.

Working on plans to solve financial problems. Moving forward. Glad for current reprieve from depression. Not holding my breath, but not confident I'm out of the woods yet, either.

Business of Living

I've been quite lately because I've been so grumpy it's been hard to come up with anything to post. But on the good side, my mom found me an excellent self-help book called Life the Life You Love which I'm using to help me figure out what I really want to do. I'm also taking an on-line class in starting a small business. I keep coming up with great ideas, but since most of them involve running my own business, I thought I'd better get some business smarts! So here I go. Wish me luck!

Coming Back to Balance

My life is finally coming back to balance, and I'm starting to organize how to go about looking at my options and figure out what do do next and what my priorities need to be. What's helping the most it being involved with stuff like volunteering and social groups. I've started attending my library's knitting club and volunteering at a local organic community farm and I might even join the church choir--all things I've been wanting to do, but didn't have time for while I was working. So life is starting to be good again.

Another SLO

I have another Significant Learning Opportunity (SLO) today. Someone asked me to do something I really don't want to do. In a note. So I'm not doing it. I know that's passive aggressive, but I don't want to set a precedent and so if I do chose to do it once, I want to let them know first that this is not something I would normally do, and I'm doing it just this one time. And in order to let them know that, I have to talk to them. So I'm not doing it. At least, not right now.

What's neat is that I felt really upset when I read the note, but then I acknowledged my feelings and remembered some of the things I've been learning about saying, "No." Like, starting from the assumption that I'm not going to do the thing, and then working out how to tell the person. And so I worked out what I will and won't say, if it comes up in conversation, and now I'm feeling a lot better. :)

Or I was feeling better. Writing about it got me all tensed up again.

Better

Don't know what happened, but things got better today. I woke up in a good mood. Yay! And I've stayed in a good mood. And it doesn't feel forced. This is good. Maybe it has to do with looking forward to seeing a friend I haven't seen since last year about this time. Hmm . . . Maybe it has to do with sticking up for myself. Maybe . . .

Help! I'm Melting!

All this reading about crying seems to be stirring up a lot of emotional junk. I keep telling myself that what I'm feeling now is the result of the junk coming loose and the wounds finally healing, but I keep having meltdowns over little things and it's getting embarrassing and annoying. Even I don't really want to live with myself right now. Although I know it will be better when all this stuff is out, I just wish I didn't have to go through the ick of getting it out. Oh well, I'll manage somehow.

More Crying

I had a good cry last night and another one this morning and I feel so much better. I guess that proves the theory that crying can be a stress release mechanism. My favorite quote so far from the book I'm reading is, "Crying is not the hurt, it is the process of becoming unhurt." It explains so well why I feel so much better after a good cry. :)

Time to Knit

Made time this morning for going to a yarn shop with an open table for projects. Am hopping there will be others there to socialize with. Also, got a chance to catch up with an acquaintance while running an errand. Happy morning!

Learning Curve

So I was all proud of myself for setting boundaries and came up with a way I could say "yes" to a request that I wasn't thrilled about, and then the other person went and pushed for more. And I gave in. And now I'm feeling bad about myself and walked-on again. :-(

On the bright side, I had the morning to myself, and I have two long audio books that are well written (as opposed to the filler I've been listening to) to enjoy.